Of Cats and Raccoons
I have long suspected that, in the mists of time, a secret bond was forged. back when man first appeared on the scene, this bond was strong and only became stronger. The secret bond between cats and raccoons.
In man’s first garbage pits, the members of this bond realized that only together could they make full use of this limitless resource. To this very night, they work together, without our knowledge. In fact, I suspect that the agents of this secret bond that live in my house will be ordered to kill me because of this… or demand albacore tuna for a week.
I first became aware of this bond about ten years ago. My friends and future missus where returning to another friends apartment… late at night. We pulled into the complex. My friend lived near the dumpster. We could see four eyes shining at us in the street. Cats. Nice cats, sitting and staring at the car.
When we didn’t immediately park, but kept heading their way. They let out this loud wail. Then we heard various crashes and bangs from the dumpster area and four giant raccoons came barreling out heading for the woods behind the complex. When we finally parked, the cats wandered over to the dumpster and began picking through what the coons spilled.
‘Holy cow,” I said, “the coons have watch cats.”
Little did I know.
This very night, I’ve discovered another cat/coon relationship. Our very own Ditto, the sweet, loving, stray cat is in league with the raccoons. He’s so tiny and my wife feels sorry for him, so she slips him food when he sits on the porch and cries. Tonight we discovered that he eats two bites, then takes off and two freaking large raccoons come finish the bowl. Traitor.
There is more to the story and I will find out about this secret society, bent on capitalizing on human gullibility and refuse. If you don’t hear from me in two weeks, call the president. He’s from Texas, he’ll understand.