With Respect to Jeff Foxworthy

I went traveling this weekend. Took my wife and son to see her family in Austin. Since Interstate 10 is basically useless* we took Hwy 90 and several other back roads to A) get to 290 and B) stop by a fish store that we wanted to visit. Along the way, we found much humor in coming up with “You might be a redneck if…” jokes. Everyone of these is based on actual sites during our trip (with a little exaggeration) through such towns as Raywood, Cut and Shoot, Hempstead, and Giddings.

First let me say that Jeff Foxworthy is a genius. I love his comedy as well as Bill Engvall. Ron ‘The Tater’ White is funny, but a little too crude. Larry is an idiot and gives a bad name to rednecks.

On to the jokes:

You might be a redneck if…

• You’ve had a yard sale running for more than three months
• You can’t get into your driveway because of the yard sale
• Your pizza is delivered by a 16 year old girl driving a 4×4 diesel dually
• She can’t get to your house without the 4×4
• She tows two other cars out of your driveway for you
• and a horse
• If you have a deer feeder in your front lawn
• If you sell deer feeders in your front lawn
• You’ve shot a deer in your front lawn
• If you live in the same town as Big Eddie’s Fried Emporium and Diner (Yes, that’s a real place, but the name has been changed to protect… well… me.)

* I-10 between the Texas Border and Houston is basically unusable. It is constantly under construction. Since summer began, we’ve had 7 wrecks within a 10 mile stretch that shut the ENTIRE interstate down for 2-7 hours. (Yeah, 7 S-E-V-E-N hours.) Members of my family have spent upwards of 30 hours AT A STANDSTILL on I-10 since February. (It’s not like we go to Houston every weekend either. It’s once a month or every other month thing… sigh.)

~ by ogremkv on July 8, 2007.